The Story of Me

Dear all...
today, aku nak bercerita about myself...
as some of u guys out there yg dah tau, me and my adik2 are now anak yatim piatu - yup. both dad n mom dah lama pergi meninggalkan kami... How i wish kalau they can see us now - me n my brother, both are married and if they are here to play and spoil their grandchildren? my sistas both dah graduate and one can consider work wise - quite stable and one more still looking for higher education. Hope both of them could find the best in their life. and the last one, my little young brother whom have another 1 year of school to go! I wish them all the best in their life...

Our life have changed a lot to compare to what we are for the past 10 -20 years maybe? hurm... I lost count! But I do remember that during the time when i'm in school, pegi dan balik sekolah jalan kaki. its about 1km one way i guess? dah la tue... kena lalu kat celah2 belukar kecil n melintas landasan keretapi lagi! what a thrill... tak termasuk lagi bab kena ganggu ngan lelaki kureng siuman lagi? patut la aku dulu kecik jer mase skolah.

Arwah mak pernah kata "nak bagi korang harta dunia kami tak mampu, korang cariklah ilmu sebagai ganti harta yang mak ngan ayah boleh usahakan utk korang". Alhamdulillah, anak2 mak dan ayah bukan la dari kategori bengap dalam pelajaran. Aku dan adik2 score quite ok in each exams - cuma tuah agak lebih pada Ida - atas pujukan kakak aku (anak ayah ngan mak tiri), dapat dia masuk ke asrama penuh. dan bukan calang2 asrama tau, Sekolah Menengah Agama Persekutuan lagi! Even aku yang score Aggregate 8 dalam SRP pun arwah ayah tak nak sign borang permohonan ke MRSM? at that time, aku agak terkilan jugak la sampaikan aku enjoy during my form 4 n 5. Tapi, as time goes by, baru aku sedar.... the reason why arwah ayah tak nak aku pergi masuk asrama ialah takut aku lupa diri tentang keluarga kami yang susah. Ketidakmampuan untuk membayar yuran boleh menjadikan aku seorang insan yang memberontak di dalam diri dan merasakan akulah insan yang paling kerdil di kalangan anak2 orang yang berada di sekelilingku. Semua itu akan membentuk aku menjadi seorang manusia penuh dengan rasa tidak puas hati dan boleh membuatkan aku melakukan perkara2 tidak baik seperti panjang tangan, menipu dsb. Thanks dad! Now only I realise the good and the bad behind all those things that happens.

Sehinggalah aku melanjutkan pelajaran ke UPM, aku dah lebih berdikari. Aku aktif berpersatuan - masuk ROTU dapat elaun - tak de la aku sibuk mintak2 ngan mak kat kampung. Dapat pulak abang angkat yang boleh support makan sikit2 and later ade pulak boyfren yang also buleh belanja makan2 dan jalan2. Until I graduate in 1997, memangla hajat hati nak sambung ke degree, (apela yang aku boleh hidup setakat diploma kan) tapi... at that point of time, my family's financial agak ketat gak la (mak dah kena keje coz ayah dah tak sihat)... adik aku, izam lak nak start degree dia kat UUM and adik2 yang lain masih sekolah and mak ask me to carik keje.

From there it starts... my working life starts in 1997 during the resession time! nak tak nak terpaksalah aku mendaftarkan diri sbg seorang askar kerahan. boleh la nak tampung family sikit2 but not for long... somewhere in early 1998, ayah pass away and later atas dasar ape pun aku tak tau... Khairul ask me to be his wife... mak pun x de nak larang sbb katanya "dah ada org tanya, takkan la kita x nak bagi. lagipun, anak perempuan lebih senang kalau di jaga oleh seorang suami" from that moment la my hubby sama2 menjaga my family. even tak nampak mcm dia amik kisah sgt tapi... his support in all aspects really appreciated.

Time goes by and after 10 years of marriage, macam2 hal yang berlaku dalam rumahtangga kami and also my family. Mak pass away somewhere in Feb 2007. Later Ida pulak bertunang last June... Mizan is now staying with me in Sg buloh, and not forget to mention that me living as weekend family since i don't know when? How do we survive? I think we just let time flew it all away and today... its end of 2008. so many things that had happened in our life... love, frustation, revenge, persuation, dreams, losts, regret, every single thing that makes us as who we are today and maybe tomorrow...

Guys, it's been quite a long entry this time but... the story never ends here.... it goes on and on and on..... sorry if it very2 boring... but this is me... just me....